I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
