Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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