i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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