Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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