I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
