Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
