True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
is it fun? or sober?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
