yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
