see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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