I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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