i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
