To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
