My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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