oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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