Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
