i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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