So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
