If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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