Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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