The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
