so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
