Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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