We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
