It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
