Already got asked if we're dating
I got chris browned last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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