Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
