She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
