Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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