They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
