it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
