wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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