he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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