imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
