i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
