cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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