I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
