You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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