in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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