i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
