dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
