The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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