I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
