i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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