I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
