I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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