fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
