They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
