i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
