I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
