I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
