We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
