i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
