Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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