Duck Duck Cougar?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
